Self Denial?

For most of 2014 our Pastor has been teaching on what a disciple is and what some of their characteristics are.  Mostly, we have been looking at the life of Peter and his relationship with Jesus.  A few months back there was a 2 part series from Matthew 16:21-28 that has stuck with me.

One of the themes from this was about self denial and not living for this world.  Sometimes when I hear these words I think that there is nothing that I need to learn about this, after all look at what I am doing.  I’ve moved my family into a community that most people would say is “unsafe”, we recently left our last job to start something new (with all sorts of unknowns) and we have given up the “comforts” of where we were living the previous 5 years.  While none of these decisions came lightly what I am realizing is that these weren’t necessarily self denial but decisions of obedience.  I have let my pride get in the way of something that God has been trying to teach me, probably for a while now.

I tend to be a stubborn guy and when I have my mind set on something it doesn’t change very easily.  While this can be a great strength it can also be a huge weakness for me especially when it comes to hearing from God.  What usually happens for me is that it takes just a little (ok probably a lot) longer than it should for things to process and this time was no different. 

A few months after hearing this sermon Lacey and I were traveling down to New Orleans to visit a church.  Like most of our road trips we have lots of time in the car with no distractions to process things that are happening in our lives.  At some point during this drive we began talking about how we were failing as neighbors.  It became clear that I had been living out of a very self focused mindset with my neighbors.  I was living as though they owed me something and should be seeking me out.  After all I was new to the community and surely they should want to get to know me and my family.  Not to mention one of our “goals” is to create some sort of community that is different.  As we continued to dialogue it became more and more clear that basically I was expecting others to just come and be a part of what we were doing when all along they already have community and I’m the one who needs to go and join in their community.

So as this is being more and more revealed I couldn’t help but remember the passage where Jesus told his disciples that they needed to take up their cross and follow Him, deny self.  For me I was making the everyday life decisions all about me.  My challenge is to now stop and check my motives and see am I trying to serve self or God and others?  What I am learning is that if I’m unwilling to be still before the Lord then it’s all the more easy to become self focused.