View From the Back

The other night when we were coming home from dinner I sat in the very back of our minivan (yes, we are that family that rolls in a minivan).  It was the first time in a long time that I’ve ridden in the back of a vehicle, especially my own.  I was taken aback by how different the view was for me; especially since I was looking at all the same roads and businesses that I am used to seeing.

                As we pulled out, I almost instantly became uncomfortable with my new position.  I could only hear about every fourth word that was being spoken by the other adults in the front. At every turn I felt completely out of control and looked for things to hang on to as if I were on a roller coaster. Then all of the streets and businesses began to look as though I were in some new country that I had never been to before.  As we traveled further and further down the road I was constantly saying things like, “can you repeat that” and “what, I can’t hear you!”  Mostly I was saying these things to try and understand what the conversation was about but also to try and regain some sort of control.  I remember thinking how weird this felt and I was only about 5 feet from my usual position in the van.

                After some time had passed and I was able to overcome my new discomfort, it began to hit me that this is a little taste of what it’s like to put myself in someone else’s shoes and to see things from their point of view.  No telling how many times I’ve heard the saying “put yourself in somebody else’s shoes” and of course I have more times than not said “I understand where you are coming from.”  Sure, maybe sometimes I do, but in general I have had very little understanding of what their view was. 

In Christian circles you often hear people say, “we should be loving people who are different from us” (whatever that means).  That’s great that we are getting out of our comfort zone and putting ourselves in uncomfortable situations.  But how often do we actually stop and take the time to view things from the other persons view?  To stop and listen to others and hear where they are truly coming from takes us denying ourselves and putting ourselves in others shoes.  It takes more work and effort than I usually want to put into conversations. Mainly because it’s not about me.

In Philippians 2 the Apostle Paul tells the church at Philippi to look not only to their own interests but to the interest of others and to not act out of selfish ambitions.  No doubt that he was communicating the same message to me as I sat in the back of the van that day.  Now when I get in the van I try to not only see things from the driver’s seat, but also from the way back.  I want the same to be true in relationships with people as well.

Open Your Eyes

The Fall has brought a new and exciting opportunity into our lives.  I have taken on a 9^th grade Math teaching position at Moss Preparatory. It is one block away from the church.  In taking this job our hope and prayer was that this would be another way that we could meet more youth and their families and continue to build more relationships.  This prayer is already being answered!

                It was the 2^nd week of school and I was standing in the hallway with my class, about to head to lunch when a boy from the 7^th grade class started up a conversation with me.  As we were talking I took notice of the name on his ID.  I began to use his name as he and I continued to talk, not ever mentioning mine.  As I led my class away from his, he calls out “see ya later Mr. Jason,” with a big smile on his face.  This completely caught me off guard because I was certain this was the 1^st time that I had ever met this young man and I don’t go by my first name at school.  I turned and said “how do you know my name?”  He answered, “Remember when you came and shot ball in the projects with us!” 

                I knew exactly what day he was talking about.  I had gone to the housing development to walk around and hand out flyers for the Soccer Clinic we hosted in July and ended up getting into a game with some of the young men.  I went walking that day hoping to meet people, with an agenda to invite them to come to the clinic so we could interact.  That day in itself gave me a glimpse of the importance of making the most of the opportunities in front of us but I couldn’t have imagined this situation.  I asked a couple more questions just trying and see if I couldn’t recall him from that day but I couldn’t.  As the day went on I couldn’t shake this conversation.  Mostly, I felt bad that I did not remember this young man who I had spent an afternoon with.  Now as I see him just about every day I make sure to not only acknowledge him but let him know that I am watching him.

                I tell you all this to say that you never know who is watching you and what type of impact you may have on them.  I know for me, most the time when I’m out meeting new people I tend to have my eyes focused on a certain type of person.  Instead, I need to be listening to My Father and following Him in these relationships.  The struggle in our culture today is to stop and be still instead of just moving forward.  Take some time and listen to the Lord and see where He is moving and join in with Him.

McComb Veazey Soccer Clinic 2014

Self Denial?

For most of 2014 our Pastor has been teaching on what a disciple is and what some of their characteristics are.  Mostly, we have been looking at the life of Peter and his relationship with Jesus.  A few months back there was a 2 part series from Matthew 16:21-28 that has stuck with me.

One of the themes from this was about self denial and not living for this world.  Sometimes when I hear these words I think that there is nothing that I need to learn about this, after all look at what I am doing.  I’ve moved my family into a community that most people would say is “unsafe”, we recently left our last job to start something new (with all sorts of unknowns) and we have given up the “comforts” of where we were living the previous 5 years.  While none of these decisions came lightly what I am realizing is that these weren’t necessarily self denial but decisions of obedience.  I have let my pride get in the way of something that God has been trying to teach me, probably for a while now.

I tend to be a stubborn guy and when I have my mind set on something it doesn’t change very easily.  While this can be a great strength it can also be a huge weakness for me especially when it comes to hearing from God.  What usually happens for me is that it takes just a little (ok probably a lot) longer than it should for things to process and this time was no different. 

A few months after hearing this sermon Lacey and I were traveling down to New Orleans to visit a church.  Like most of our road trips we have lots of time in the car with no distractions to process things that are happening in our lives.  At some point during this drive we began talking about how we were failing as neighbors.  It became clear that I had been living out of a very self focused mindset with my neighbors.  I was living as though they owed me something and should be seeking me out.  After all I was new to the community and surely they should want to get to know me and my family.  Not to mention one of our “goals” is to create some sort of community that is different.  As we continued to dialogue it became more and more clear that basically I was expecting others to just come and be a part of what we were doing when all along they already have community and I’m the one who needs to go and join in their community.

So as this is being more and more revealed I couldn’t help but remember the passage where Jesus told his disciples that they needed to take up their cross and follow Him, deny self.  For me I was making the everyday life decisions all about me.  My challenge is to now stop and check my motives and see am I trying to serve self or God and others?  What I am learning is that if I’m unwilling to be still before the Lord then it’s all the more easy to become self focused.

Becoming Neighbors

     After moving into a community where we literally knew no one, one of our biggest goals was to get to know our community and for the community to get to know us. This is mainly because we believe that before we can know how we are to be a part of what God is doing in this community we must become a part of the community. “Relocation” is all about desiring for our neighbors and our neighbors’ families what we desire for ourselves and our families. It isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about coming in as wounded healers, as people ready to walk alongside others in search of answers and who are willing to help in whatever ways we can.^a. We are grateful that this past month we have taken some big steps forward in 3 ways: we had a fish fry with the neighbors on our block, continued attending coterie and sub-committee meetings and began substitute teaching at one of the schools in our neighborhood.       
     At dinner with friends they asked how meeting our neighbors was going. We said slowly but surely we are seeing more of them by just being out in the yard and by walking the dog, but no real relationships to speak of. They generously offered to get together with other members of the church and throw a cook-out for us; our only job was to get people there. So I went door to door and invited the people on our street and around the neighborhood. The morning of we weren’t sure if anyone would come. We figured 2-3 would be considered a success. When 3pm came people started arriving. We ended up having about 25 people attend and they actually stayed and visited the whole time. We enjoyed hearing about the neighborhood from these families on our street, many of whom have been here for 20-40 years. They have raised their families here and most seemed to know each other well. They were very welcoming and enjoyed the opportunity to all get together to visit and enjoy some delicious food. We hope to make it a regular thing.
   

     When we moved in to our new home in January we were told that there was a neighborhood coterie, a planning group that meets once a month to make decisions for the community.  It was a no-brainer that this was something that we needed to become a part of.  We felt that this would be a great way to meet those people in the community that were some movers and shakers and who have some vision for what they want to see in their community.  The first two monthly meetings that I was planning on attending were cancelled.  So it was almost March before I could finally attend this meeting.  I found out that they already had a sub-committee that was meeting to work on getting a community garden started. So I just began to show up and listen and learn from my neighbors.   We met weekly for about 6 or 7 weeks to get ready for our ground breaking on May 17^th.  Also, at the May monthly meeting the coterie board failed to have a quorum so there was no way of voting on the next action steps. That led those present board members to reevaluate and look to see who they could possibly elect to the board at the next monthly meeting. This also happens to be the annual meeting where this can happen.  Much to my surprise, many of the board members who are also on the sub-committee were quick to throw my name out as a possible board member. Since there were so many agreeing, those who don’t really know me took their word for it.  This is a huge step in relational trust from about a dozen people who know this community well.  I am excited to see where God takes these relationships.
     
      I have found that one of the easiest ways to meet kids and families in the community is by working with them at school.  Having some experience in teaching, I decided that I would get certified to substitute as this would allow me to earn some additional income for our family and help me to become a face that kids and teachers can begin to know and trust.  After a month of waiting, I finally got all my papers in and was ready to go.  One of the schools that is in our neighborhood is NP Moss Preparatory, the alternative school for the Parish.  My first job was with the 2^nd/3^rd grade class.   What’s funny is that probably about a week before I was telling Lacey I wasn’t very comfortable being with elementary kids all day so I wasn’t sure how many of those jobs I would take.  At the end of that day, one of the school resource officers came and got me and said the principal wanted to talk.  At first I thought I may have done something wrong but the officer quickly told me that he liked the way I handled myself with the kids and that he put in a good word with the principal.  When I got to her office she offered me a long-term sub spot for the rest of the year with the connections program (these are students who are over-aged 8^th graders, a population of kids that I love to work with).  This has been far more than I imagined.  I get to interact not only with the connections students but with many others who are there for other reasons.  And lately I have been seeing more and more of them around the neighborhood. 

     

     All in all this past month we have been able to build many new relationships.  We believe that this will be a big part of our foundation as God develops our church’s and our family’s ability to love the neighborhood he’s placed us in.

a.       

  

            a.  Gordan, Wayne & Perkins, John M. Making Neighborhoods Whole. Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press, 2013. Print

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer

Romans 12:12- "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer." This verse keeps popping up everywhere and I'm sure you know what that means, it's going to apply to life somehow. For me, I needed to be reminded what to do while waiting...

I remember the day we agreed to take "B" as a foster child. Our home was on hold (as in don't call us, we had another miscarriage and we aren't sure we are going to do this) and our social worker called anyway with a placement of a newborn little boy. Surprisingly to us both, we said yes. We wouldn't learn his name, birthday or anything until a week later. That was a long and hard week of waiting. Worry and impatience filled our days. I'm grateful for good friends who could tell I needed them during that time. I kept being reminded to keep my eyes on Christ as I expressed how I felt. I imagined it was like Peter felt when he had stepped outside of the boat and onto the water. If God didn't help me, I was sure to sink. I was in over my head. I knew that none my feelings, well really any part of me, was 100% up to the task. It all just felt bigger than me and I knew there were waves out there and it wouldn't always be easy. And yet, I knew it was right. The peace that surpassed understanding seemed so real in those moments. Saying yes felt exciting and we were full of hope because we knew that somehow and in some way God had given us a desire to love children without a family.

I had the same feeling later that month after we made the decision and shared the news that we were planning to leave the job as well as the home that we loved and frankly built our entire life around. I was filled with feelings of excitement and hope mixed with anxiety and uncertainty. Would people understand, would we fall on our face in failure, could I support and trust Jason enough to take the lead when he himself didn't have all the answers to how things would play out? But again, somehow and in some way God was growing in us a passion, vision, desire, whatever name you want to put on it, to love this new community that we didn't even know yet through our church that we had only been members of for a couple years. And he was confirming it the strangest and most amazing ways.

I can't tell you that we were ready for either of these life-altering decisions as much as we would have liked to be. We didn't have all of our ducks pretty and in a row. We could speculate and plan with what we did know but we didn't have control over most of those plans. As we sought God about them we knew that we were supposed to keep moving forward and so we did. It was an act of faith based on promises and hope, pure and simple.

That was 8 months ago and the dust is starting to settle. We still can't say everything is wrapped up in a pretty bow or that we don't have moments where we feel anxious. We are still fostering "B" and can't imagine life without him but he's not a Herbstler yet. We are still seeking exactly how we can best love and serve our community and church by being learners. We are living off of financial support and these odd and truly God-sent jobs. But we do know for certain that all this is not by accident. And we are still constantly having to remind ourselves to be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer. We are beyond grateful for such wonderful friends and family who both encourage and challenge us to believe that it's worth presenting ourselves as living sacrifices to God rather than conforming to the patterns of this world.

Always Room For Hope

     We’ve all heard it said, “You only get one chance to make a first impression.”  This is true. However, time and time again we have had the privilege of watching people exceed our expectations and prove that change is possible. There is always room for hope. 

     Five years ago, this overgrown, reserved 13 year old came into our lives. He seemed to lack self confidence except when he had a basketball in his hand.  I would say that 90% of what he talked about was basketball and how he was going to play in the NBA.  During our first summer together he took part in a job readiness program.  At the end of the summer we would bring in businessmen to do mock interviews and they would decide who they would choose to hire for a job.  When all of the interviews were done, I was asked if the young man had been around for very long.  I told him no, questioning why he would ask.  He mentioned that the only thing the boy seemed to talk about was basketball. However, it seemed there was much more inside of this boy than what he was allowing people to see and that he was confident that this was going to be an amazing young man. I couldn’t agree more.

      The next couple of years I watched this young boy struggle in many different ways.  He soon found himself in high school, having to sit and watch his peers play the game he loved; not being able to participate due to ineligibility.  You could see that this was bothering him but he wasn’t sure how to handle it.  His first response, as is for many teenagers, was to be angry and look for others to blame. However, after a few months that seemed to last forever some things started to change.

     He began to look inward rather than at the ways he had perceived others had let him down and he took personal responsibility for his actions. He started applying himself at school and at home. He began to understand the importance of hard work in all areas of life not just basketball. This didn’t happen in a vacuum however. He had people who believed in him and gave him a chance despite his past. Little by little this boy began to transform into a young man right before our eyes.  He had always had dreams, but now they were too close to “throw in the towel” and stop fighting for. No one ever doubted his natural athletic abilities. What he needed were more people to believe he could become a good student, to see something more than what was on the outside. Just like that businessman during his mock interview. And he had to make the decision to fight.

     This past month he was able to walk out on the court with his family and celebrate senior night with plans to continue pressing toward his new dreams. He has now become the friend that everybody wants to go watch play ball. To sit in the crowd and watch this young man accomplish something so many had doubted was such a joy for us!  More than that, seeing this young man make decisions in light of his relationship with Christ and seeing his concern for other young men who need someone to be “in their corner” has been a blessing to our family.